Post Diagnosis: The 3 big mistakes that are made by family and friends.
1. Walk Away- I cannot tell you how often I see this among close friends of someone with Dementia. This includes members of the church congregation, civic clubs, neighbors, business associates and even family members. More often than not, the care giver is in a sense, banished to an unexpected role they did not see coming
This response comes from fear of the disease itself and the fear that you might make a mistake. One of the first things I tell a care giver who is new to this process is that they must embrace the fact that they will make mistakes. Failure is how we learn what not to do!
If you have a friend or family member who has memory problems or has been diagnosed with Dementia, get educated and do the best you can when visiting knowing it is alright to make a mistake. The care giver needs you now more than ever and need people to walk along side them.
2. Assume the person can no longer make decisions for themselves- Mom or dad has been making decisions for themselves for longer than you can remember. Yes, the disease will eventually rob them of thier ability to think rationally however, if it is Alzheimer’s Disease, the decline in functioning will be slow and steady. Of course it depends upon when they are diagnosed and many many other factors. The idea is to meet them where they are at and allow them to participate in as much as they are capable of. Research shows that people with Dementia know they are losing their abilities. This is a frightening experience for the individual and their dignity must be maintained.
3. Sell the Farm- I see this more often than not. The adult children are busy with their own lives and want to have the security in knowing that someone other than them is looking after mom or dad in a facility. As a Gerontologist who specializes in Dementia Care, my goal is to work with the family and the primary care giver to keep mom and or dad in the home as long as possible.
They need to maintain the social network they have spent years to develope. They will remain stable much longer in a familiar, structured, routine environment.
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