The Care Givers Paradox of Purpose
Being a care giver in my book is the hardest job in the world. Imagine going to work one day and your boss tells you that you can no longer leave at the end of the day. You will no longer be paid for the work you do and you must expect to be woken up during the night at any given time to do your job. Hear is the real zinger! Your boss also informs you that you no longer have a job description and that you must expect to fail at everything you do because you will not be given any training.
I remember when my daughter had Leukemia at the age of four. My wife Beth and I felt as though we had been sentenced to live in this bubble for two years and our prison guards were medical doctors and social workers. Our entire sense of being revolved around our faith in God and making sure our daughter Morgan was going to live through this. We had been given a sense of purpose that was not asked for much less desired. Even though we had thousands of people praying for us and the support of friends, family members, social workers, and doctors, it felt as though no one else in the world could do the job for us. We had to learn to embrace the mission, understand that we were not perfect, that we would make mistakes, but we were not alone. We had to remind ourselves that this was too big for us to handle however; we had the means to deal with this.
After a period of time went by, I began to understand that I must have another sense of purpose, a purpose other than being the dad of a child with a life threatening illness. I began to understand that by having another purpose, I could be stronger for my daughter and my family. It is like taking a trip on an airplane with a child. The flight attendants always instruct the parents of small children to put the air mask on themselves first before helping their child. I needed to come up for air!
I believe that “Any real meaningful purpose in life is most often, not recognized until after some of the most difficult training and preparation has taken place”. In other words, I had no idea at the time that my experience as a care giver would someday lead me to the work I do now. I was certainly dumbfounded to discover that I gained the skills necessary to empathize with the care giver of an individual with dementia. Is a person called upon to do a job based on their future potential or their background? By giving things over to God, we are free to embrace failure knowing that there is a sense of purpose behind our every move. The trouble is as human beings, we have the desire to know what that purpose is in advance.
The sense of purpose for you can be anything you desire. Some people audit a class at the local Community College. Some people join a Bridge Club or facilitate a small group for their church. People join civic groups or organizations that support their favorite hobby or interest’s. I’ve had people who joined gardening clubs, fishing clubs, hunting clubs, golf clubs, reading clubs; you may even find a new career. We were designed to have rest.
Is the paradox becoming clearer to you now? One sense of purpose is identified by looking back at your experiences. The other sense is identified by looking forward to what is comfortable to you. In my opinion, both are equally as important, we just need to begin our search.
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